Long time ,no write. Two important things have happened to me over the past two and a half years. I didn't write about it , because I was too anxious , because I was happy , because I was deeply sad ,and in pain. One thing that is a story in itself , is that I have become thank heavens a mother. It wasn't simple ,and there were tragic parts to it ( a tragic miscarriage on the first try). Nothing have changed in me except , that it has happened so , that I am a mom . Some women use it as a flag of success - I see in my becoming a mother , simply G-ds mercy on me . I believe that women who for any reason don't have children are no less mothers . We are all mothers . My heart is always with those who have no children. I have been there forty years of my life. I know the pain.
Today is my father's birthday , but he died at the end the summer last year . He died in agony ,and although he was 89 , I say fully confident , he died before his time. He still had the chance to meet my baby daughter , and although he didn't speak much - I hope he was happy for me . In spite of it all.
After the birth , which was a natural one, I wanted to protect my baby from all evil . I was very scared , I could not sleep a wink. For I knew that life on earth , especially in this part of the planet , wasn't safe. Not even for a baby . I was afraid of everything , including myself - because I wasn't sure that the world was a good place to be in .
In a miraculous way , I see a little human being , quite clever and original growing before my eyes. It is the Almighty that raises her really - because I have very little faith .
So much for now , thank you for your patience and good night .
