I have recently learnt that a modern orthodox guy I knew was gay. His reveeling it to me was short and painfull. (I'll name him 'A' for reasons of privecy). A confessed to me that he had had a rather long term relationship with another man . The next day I couldn't stop crying . Why was I sad? because of my Jewish upbringing ? Well ....Yes, but not only. My heart went out to him , knowing he lives his life in complete solitude. His loving family will never know. Getting married is an important part of Jewish life. So A lives his life knowing he is a "low-life and a sinner".It seems he feels guilty for his mere existance. I don't think A is a low-life. He is a nice guy actually, a bit gentle and faminine... and a good hearted guy . I have searched through the internet for some remedy. Some religious organizations believe that what they call "reversed tendencies" can be changed , at least in some cases.many gay people think that psychological methods for trying to change peoples' tendencies are dangerous. In any way the bible forbides the sexual act ,and it is indeed considered a sin . Judaism always leaves a leeway ,but not here . For a man to have sex with another man is strictly forbidden, and considered abomination. Other books claim that if a man finds this tendency in himself , he should look for a woman who is especially gentle. It is also reccomended to dwelve into learning of holy books to help one who has the forbidden desire.
The notion "Tikkun" in Hebrew means plainly in English "repair". It is believed that every person came to earth in order to repair something or rather some things in their soul. Is the tikkun of homosexual people is to deny themselves from having sex with their own gender? But millions of people all over the world don't live their lives like that. Millions of people think that being Gay , and leading gay life is being honest with yourself, "getting out of the closet".So what are the chances of someone who is gay to lead a life according to biblical standards ,if he has no guidance? I wonder why the Almighty gives people such a strange tikkun? When I asked A what he thought of the Pride Parade , he said there was nothing to be proud of .
He said he would like to have a family ,but he doesn't think any woman in her right mind would agree to mary him. "We'll have to find you a crazy woman then " I answered.
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p.sThe entry was written in June 2009. I write the following lines in June 2010: Eversince this revelation , I believe I am more tolerant to gays. I thought being gay was a crazy fassion invented in San Franciso , but I look at it now as a dificiency (Hope I'm not offending anyone) that should be treated with tolerance. I look at it as a godly test for me , to see how accepting I can be towords someone who is very differnt than I . I believe in what the book says , that for a man to sleep with another man is a sin- but people have many sides to them. I may not like someone's life style ,but I love his soul. This entry is dedicated to A- a gay man , who will never read it.
